Carlos, I will try to reply to your "comment", but it seems to me that your fears and anxiety about this matter should better be addressed by a therapist or counselor. :-)

It sounds likely there's something underneath that forbids you to live sexuality in a positive and relaxed manner.

> "I still am convinced numerous of my peers fear losing the love of their lives due to this habit."

But even if this was true, this wouldn't mean their habit is necessarily wrong; it might also be that the "love of their life" is rigid, demanding or controlling about this matter.

If a woman says "I'm afraid my husband will leave me if I object to him having several mistresses", her fear doesn't mean she's wrong and he's right, isn't it? ;-)

> "In my experience if one waits for normal and acceptable behavior to become an addiction"

But a "normal and acceptable behavior" doesn't necessarily transform into an addiction - most of the time, it does not. Most people drinking alcoholic beverages DO NOT become alcoholics.

> "our is a long distance relationship, which means I can only rely on her pictures, if I wish to avoid lookign at porn."

I see you're in a difficult situation.

You cannot get a normal and wholesome satisfaction (having real sex with her) for long stretches of time, so you're forced to satisfy your sexual needs thru masturbation. Please note this cannot be satisfactory for long, and it's NOT your fault. :-)

No amount of "If I love her I should be..." will change the fact that human beings need way more depth and intensity than what a long-distance relationship may give.

Some of your GF's pictures are a poor substitute of her affection, skin and warmth. Therefore, I imagine it's like you're emotionally "starved". It's not anybody's fault, it's that your situation sucks.

Porn looks like a way to get some of that intensity and emotions you crave. It's far from perfect, yet I think you have nothing better to rely on.

> "My norm is masturbating once a week."

If you're young, once a week is not much. Is this "the norm" because that's what your body asks for... or because you gave yourself this limit? If your body needs more than that, it's not that "you cannot live without porn", it's that your sexual (and maybe emotional) urges are not satisfied. And why should they? In this long-distance relationship, it seems you are "deprived".

> "By the time I am masturbating 3 times a week, I am considering hiring a prostitute instead."

This admission confirms what I just said above. You're "starved", and you instinctively look for some "nourishment" - even a low-level one like a prostitute.

You seem dismissive about your needs - or just ignoring them. That's not a healthy way of living. Your happiness and well-being matter. :-)

And, of course, you realize that using porn is much "healthier" for you, and respectful towards your GF, than going with a prostitute.

> "This lack of emotional rapport is not fair to her."

Maybe.

But... what is fair TO YOU? You seem giving your GF way more importance than to yourself. Again, that's not healthy.

> "By the time I have not told her about my problem long enough that I feel the need to have sex with a prostitute would speak in loud terms to her I don't trust her enough to handle my emotions."

Maybe you're afraid of judgment and rejection. Maybe you badly judge yourself, and you expect her to judge your in the same way. Maybe you're afraid of being abandoned.

> "Even for an American, I am weird when it comes to my sexual preferences."

Allow me to be skeptical. :-)

Most people think they have some weird or unusual fantasy or desire... but there actually are millions of people with the same desires. But they keep those to themselves, hence they don't know how common they are.

I'm pretty sure that, if you were to "confess" me your preferences, they would turn out to be quite "vanilla" - i.e., not unusual. ;-)

> "Clearly in my case, I would need to be vocal about it with my imaginary wife long before I cross that line."

A good relationship requires honest and open communication. Sure.

But for that to happen, there should be also acceptance, trust and lack of judgment; otherwise one cannot be honest. Can you expect those by your GF?

Besides, you seem too burdened with self-judgment, fear and - probably - shame, to be able to be honest.

> "Does this second comment clarify my first one?"

In a way it does, but it doesn't change my evaluation: porn is not the issue, porn is just the "spark" that shows the difficult relationship you have with sexuality - and with yourself.

In the end, it seems to me you have a lack of self-esteem and self-acceptance; and you're afraid you won't be loved the way you are. Thus you feel the need to become "a better man" or to repress your impulses.

Again, all these should better be talked about and understood with the help of a therapist. If you like my "style", we could do some counseling session about this, using video-calls. Besides, I think I'm pretty cheap by American standards. ;-)

I wish you the best, Valter