> "if a woman is very tall (taller than the guy), will shorter men want to date her?"

Most men would. Most men are enchanted by tall women. But some men would be afraid she would reject them (because practically all women want a taller partner), so they would not even try.

> "Everyone gets to decide the kinds of traits they value most"

Ehhh, not really. Attraction is mostly based on instincts and unconscious drives. We do not get to decide those; we discover what we like, we do not choose about it. E.g.:

- Again, practically all women want a man taller than them. They cannot decide to be attracted by a shorter man.

- Many men love big breasts. They cannot decide to not like them, or like smaller ones.

The same goes for personality traits. One cannot decide what s/he likes; one can adapt to something he dislikes, when other qualities makes it worth.

I agree mating and relationship are complex matters. And one reason is precisely that: we cannot decide what we like; it's mostly built-in.